This morning I sat mindlessly scrolling back over some of my recent blog posts, happily lost in thoughts about how relatively peaceful things have been for our family lately. I then clicked over to read some other blogs which eventually lead me to my cousin Alisa’s most recent post. Alisa is deep in the throes of cancer treatments and I was so sad to read that she had had a terrible week after returning to the hospital for yet another dose of IV medication; this one meant to repair her bones that are being eaten by cancer. She had barely slept during the week due to pain that she described as the worst she’s ever felt, she’s had constant fever and other flu-like symptoms, and she and Josh have had to cancel a trip to Europe that they were so looking forward to. She’s discouraged, and to top it all off her children and husband are sick too!
As I blog about clean carpets, Valentine cookies, Star Wars, Whitney Houston, and hatching butterflies; Alisa is dealing with matters of life and death, pain and sickness, love and loss.
Life is not fair; never has been, never will be. I know that, but this morning that fact sat heavier than ever. I started thinking how the many things that I have given my energies to lately seemed so ridiculously frivolous in light of Alisa’s struggles (and not just hers but other's I know and love who are dealing with heavy things at the moment). Why does life have to be so hard? Why do bad things happen to some people and not to others, and on and on. You know…the never ending questions of life.
I tossed around thoughts like these and some accompanying feelings of guilt most of the morning as I set about furiously cleaning everything in sight (because that’s what I do when I feel uneasy).
It wasn’t all in vain though. As I cleaned and thought, thought and cleaned some more, I came to a few conclusions in my mind, which (along with my sparkling bathrooms and clean dishes) have helped me feel at least a little bit more settled in spirit.
Here are a few of my cleaning and thinking induced conclusions…
One…
It is when we are doing well, when things are relatively peaceful in our lives that it’s most important that we don’t let that peace and calm turn to apathy. It’s in times when our struggles are smaller and more manageable, that we should reach out and do more for those who are not experiencing the same. When we are stronger we can do more for others; and then hopefully, when we are down and out, that good Karma will come back around to us again in some way.
Two…
I thought back on my recent blog posts…the carpet cleaning, Valentine cookies, Star Wars movie, Whitney Houston songs, hatching butterflies, and I thought “are those things really frivolous?” Maybe? But in doing those things I was taking care of the home where my loved ones live, enjoying a sweet and thoughtful gift from a dear friend on Valentine’s Day, spending precious time with my son doing something he loves, reflecting on happy music and memories, observing the miracles of life. It occurred to me that these are not frivolous things per-say, but the small things that we should indeed enjoy while we can; because when the harder times come (as they always will) we won’t live with the regret of having taken those small and simple things, the good times, for granted.
Three…
Always remember Who is the true source of peace no matter what may come. He is the our source of strength in good times and bad.
I was asked to give a presentation for our annual Stake Women’s Conference that took place Saturday. It was a learning experience for me. I was blessed with an outpouring of the spirit in preparation, and I’ve been floating on the cloud of it ever since.
For part of my presentation I put some pictures of Christ to music, partly in an effort to share my testimony (sometimes words can convey even more when set to music). I used my favorite song of all time, “My Shepherd Will Supply My Need,” a beautiful American Folk hymn. The text is from Psalm 23 paraphrased by Issac Watts in the early 1700’s. The arrangement is Mack Wilberg’s and sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir on this recording.
I can’t even express how much I love this song. If you have five minutes and need a spiritual boost, give this a watch.
(The pictures of Christ are from various artists…Del Parson, Simon Dewey etc. that I found on Google Images)
11 comments:
Absolutely beautiful, Jill. This is one of my favorite songs, too, and the pictures with it were perfect. I'm just sitting here with a peaceful sigh. Thank you for sharing this, and your thoughts from your time spent scrubbing. You have given me a boost . . . again . . . as usual!
Jill, that was very touching. We seem to learn a lot in this life--whether through our own experiences or the experiences of those we love. I would like to have been at your presentation.
Great job of putting together a very touching message. I happen to have a slight idea how much work something like that takes. Your a pro and I want to take lessons from you.
Beautiful Jill. A very wise gal who happens to share your exact same name...shared this insight with me and it's kept me going the last several months.
"The thing about this life is...you have to learn to live and function with imperfection, uncertainty, and injustice. And find joy while you're doing it."
Love you and your perspective.
Dave...I have to give credit where credit is due, Mike helped a lot with the technical part. He's the pro.
Have I ever told you how glad I am that I know you? You are such a great insightful person. I could add to your list-to enjoy the good moments, because the those hard times do come and we have to remember that we did have it good at some point, right? :) Thanks for the post. You are great. I read your cousins posts and pray for her frequently. She is a fighter...
I love you friend. I am glad I was at your presentation, it was fabulous. I know where to give credit though, when all you were is the mouth piece for the Lord. Thanks for being worthy to receive His help.
I say soak in those precious moments as much as you possibly can. Life has a way of dishing out plenty of sorrow. The secret to staying happy is to focus on the good things. You shouldn't feel guilty about seeing the beauty in each day. I think Alisa appreciates our prayers, our faith, and our help, but I'm not sure she wants us to be miserable. When you had your struggles, I don't think you wanted to rob her of her happiness. I think you're marvelous!
Nice thoughts, nice slide show. I know what you mean about feeling frivolous. I have a friend who has twins and one of is undergoing terrible treatments for a terrible brain tumor. I feel so silly about my "trials" after reading about their struggles. You've helped me sort through my feelings a little bit with this post. Thanks.
We have this song on a CD called Echoes of the Sabbath. If you don't have that one, I stongly recommend it.
Just beautiful, thank you for your thoughts. Every time I am away from reading blogs I always come back to yours first. You never disappoint.
Enjoy cookies and butterflies, Jill. Your mom is right, I do not want you to be miserable because I am. This is why I am against pioneer treks. I would never want someone to suffer like me. Just be aware you are not suffering, and be thankful.
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