My Knight in Slimy Rubber Gloves

As a teenager, my ideas of true love were straight from the latest romance novel. I used to sit around with my friends and we would dream together about the men we would marry. We would talk about how romantic those men would be. I knew for certain that my future husband would sit in the glow of the firelight and read poetry to me. I knew he would always select the most perfect and thoughtful gifts for every special occasion, delivering them with a gallant kiss. I knew that he would for-go watching his favorite sports program to come with me to the ballet, so he could spend time with his one and only love. He would truly be my knight in shining armor.

Fortunately, by the time I was old enough to chose a husband, these ideas had been replaced by ideas much more practical. Out of luck, some clear thinking, and the blessings of God, I found Michael, my knight in slimy rubber gloves.

Late the other night Jeffrey started screaming and choking from the other room. I knew right away he was throwing up. I HATE throw-up! I can't stomach it. Mike knows this about me. He was up and out of his easy chair, taking over in his calm, efficient, and noncomplianing way. He was quickly scrubbing down little boys (turns out Jeffrey threw up in Jonathan's hair), stripping sheets off the bed, starting a load of laundry, and steam cleaning the carpet. All I had to do was cuddle the sick child on the couch.

Now that I am older and somewhat wiser, I know better what true love and romance really look like. No, Mike would never choose the ballet over the Cougar game and I can't remember the last book he read at all, let alone to me, but I wouldn't trade him for all the Casanova's in the world. In my opinion, mopping the floor every Wednesday after his late game of basketball, working hard with me to clean the house because he knows I like it presentable when friends come over for scrapbook night and then right after, leaving to take 6 rowdy boys to scout camp, or being the kind of person you can trust like God above, beats rose petals and candlelight any day of the week.



The Knight with his damsel, who is very often in distress




On his valient steed (rented)




Looking very gallant and "knight" like!

Scream Free Parenting

I saw this picture awhile back and thought, "This is me, I feel exactly like this so much of my life!" It made me sad actually. I thought about how many nights I go to bed feeling terrible about myself, thinking about all the negative and contentious interactions that I had with my children. All day I yell, punish, and feel frustrated, resentful, and overwhelmed.

I realize that something needs to change, so when I saw the author of this book being interviewed on the Today Show my ears perked right up!



Scream free parenting? Is that even possible? I ordered the book. I read the book, and I have to say folks, I learned a bit about myself. No, my parenting skills have not be revolutionized (yet), but what I read has given me much to think about.

Here's the author's main idea....
When we scream, yell, and emotionally react to our children we are communicating one single message to them: CALM ME DOWN!
We are begging our children to calm our anxieties. We're telling them we just can't handle that they are misbehaving, not obeying, making a mess, etc, etc and we flip out.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE YOU THINKING"

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS"

"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU"

Think of a phrase you always say when you're angry with your children and behind it is really this: "I need you to comply so I can calm back down. All my emotional responses are up to you."
To quote the author:
"When we put all our emotional buttons in the children's hands, we become totally focused on them. We have begun a sort of orbit around them, attaching all of our emotional responses to how they perform in school, whether they use good manners, or whatever other choices they're making today. The entire family's emotional life is now tied to the whims, frailties, and growing pains of the least mature members of the family."

I had quite the epiphany when I read that. Basically, I'm letting two four year old boys and a nine year old girl control me, a 34 year old adult who should know better. Looks like my problem isn't that I need to make my kids behave so I will become calm, looks like I need to figure out how to calm down all by myself.

Now, Mr. Hal doesn't say that the kids should be allowed to do whatever they want as we sit in a corner and count to ten, but he suggests that when we grow ourselves up and behave like adults, we are much better able to discipline by principles and love than by anger and desperation. Principled discipline goes a lot further than screaming empty threats at our children's faces.

The title of the book suggests that these ideas are "revolutionary." They really aren't. All I really need to do is be a much more Christ-like person in my approach to my children. Elder Paker said once, (and I paraphrase) " A study of Christ and His doctrines will do more to change behavior than a study of behavior will change behavior." I believe that is true, although it is easier said than done.

So folks, I'm on a path. I realize it will be long one, but I truly want to become a better parent. I want my relationships with my children to be more peaceful and more productive. I'm tired of going to bed feeling bad about my mothering abilities. Have I stopped yelling since I read the book? Of course not. I have though, honestly and searchingly thought about what is motivating all the yelling and I have found it to be so much more about me than the kids. This is a good first step right? I mean you can't change anything you won't acknowledge as a problem.

I will be posting more about this later, I'm sure. Maybe the next post will be about how I'm bagging the whole philosophy and I will have decided to embrace the yelling version of me, but I'm hoping for better. If any of you, who's opinions I trust and value, have any good insight for me, please share. In the mean time I've got to go and kiss the kids goodnight and apologize for all the yelling I did today.

Signs

Something seriously strange is happening around here....

There appeared a unexplained foot path through the middle of my prized Rubeccia plant.....



These strange "markings" are all over the outside of my house......



Mysterious objects appear under my feet where ever I step.......




When I need to drive somewhere, I nearly smash these under my tires....




and this 'warning' was scrawled on the white board in Mary Kate's room......



I feel these are all signs of something strange and eerie, but what?

I'm thinking aliens?



Yep.

Last week sweet....this week savory

Last month we were all about ice cream around here, this month we're reveling in the abundance of fresh garden produce. Every household in the neighborhood (except ours) put in a garden this summer, and you know what that means..... everyone is now trying to give away their excess vegetables and we're more than happy to oblige them. I say, why plant a garden when you know that eventually the whole neighborhood will be begging you to take produce off their hands? Why raise the cow when you can get the milk for free? (I know, we're free loaders!)

Anyway, in addition to the neighborhood spoils, the Johnston's planted an extensive garden that is producing like wildfire. Unfortunately, they moved to Canada and aren't able to enjoy the fruits of their own considerable labors. Since we are thoughtful and considerate friends, we are making sure that all their hard work was not in vain. We are eating from their garden on a daily basis. Thanks Trevor! Take it from us, you are a superb gardener! For your viewing pleasure, I've provided a picture of what you and nature have created together....



I love eating vegetables fresh from the garden. It's one of my favorite things about summer. We have been enjoying all sorts of delicious, vegetable laden dishes, but my favorite is always the Martha Stewart tomatoes! We call them that because many years ago my mom discovered the recipe while watching Martha's once popular T.V. show (back in the good old days before she became a horrible talk show host).

You start with thickly sliced, fresh garden tomatoes laid out on parchment covered baking sheets like this...


Using a pastry brush, brush each slice lightly with extra virgin olive oil, then lightly sprinkle each slice with kosher salt, freshly ground black pepper, granulated sugar, and dried basil. Bake for several hours (4 or 5) in a 250 degree oven until the tomatoes are reduced way down. They will resemble sun dried tomatoes, but not dry. (Picture follows) The cooking process really intensifies the flavor of the tomatoes like you won't believe.
The tomatoes store well in an airtight container in the fridge and can be used in a plethora of ways. Our favorite way is to toast slices of crusty Italian bread, drizzle the toasted bread lightly with olive oil, layer on the tomatoes and top with thin slices of fresh mozzarella. Place the sandwiches on a cookie sheet and toast under the broiler until the cheese is melted and bubbly. (Watch them closely so as not to burn them) Serve with corn on the cob for the most simple and delicious of summer meals. You'll be amazed at the flavor!



For another treat, put these tomatoes on a BLT, add avocado, and you take this common sandwhich from ordinary to extraordinary! (O.K. I watch a lot of Food Network)



If those of you who have access to fresh tomatoes don't try this recipe for yourselves, I'll have to declare you clinically insane, so go to your neighbors house, grab some juicy ones and make some Martha Stewart's ASAP! You won't regret it. (I'll cry a tear for those of you who's neighbors didn't plant a garden)

I'm making myself hungry so I'm off to the kitchen until next time.

P.S. Don't worry, I promise this won't become a food blog. I will post something inedible next time!